An Appropriate Time To Talk

After trying to explain to my husband why I had gone to the warehouse club that morning and bought more stuff than could fit in my car, my husband rather curtly told me that it was not a wise person that needed to put her convertible top down to stuff the last 48 packs of Ramen noodles in the car. He was rather insistent on my limiting shopping trips to only the amount that would fit through the doors, and very insistent on me not buying another pack of Ramen noodles or can of tuna until the year 2010. No matter how good a bargain they seemed.

I was still grumbling about his obvious lack of bargain sense when my son came into the kitchen and asked why I was grumbling. After I explained the situation, my son tried to explain why his father was perfectly justified in his reprimanding of me and that I really should be more reasonable and understanding. And maybe not shop as much. Holding up my hand to silence his third party explanations, I told him he really needed a lesson on the appropriate times to talk. And this was not one of them. Silence was golden when not agreeing with his mother.

Seeing an opportune moment to give a life’s lesson to my firstborn, I went on with illustrations of when to talk and when to be quiet. I started with the obvious. When in church, it is not appropriate to talk. However, you may whisper. Or give an exaggerated wave when spotting a friend across the aisle.

Movie theaters are a place where one should not talk. They even display warnings before the movie that silence is golden. However, everyone knows this is just a suggestion because you absolutely have to talk when guessing the ending of the movie or feel the need to guess every actor’s name and what previous movie they played in.

My daughter was standing nearby and already knowing the talking rules because, as a woman, it is programmed in her DNA, she went on to explain to her brother other situations where talking was appropriate. She explained that in her history class it was inappropriate to talk sitting down. So since she had a daily problem with this, her teacher often made her stand up. Usually at the back of the class. Once she was standing, it was then appropriate to talk. Although the teacher did not necessarily agree with this rule. Also, the boy sitting near her had a problem with listening. As she constantly chattered in his direction he made the mistake of listening and thus be made to stand against the wall also.

But, an appropriate time to listen would have to be saved for another lesson on another day.
She went on to explain that in her other class, she had a problem knowing exactly when the teacher did not want her to talk. So the teacher would kindly send her into the hallway. Every single day. According to my daughter, this was an appropriate place to talk. Especially with the other students in the hall. Out here they did not have to worry about disrupting the class. They just had to worry about the principal passing.

I patted my daughters head at her socialization prowess. After all, not everyone was born with such fine social skills. I had recently run into one of her teachers at church, and the teacher had told me that my daughter was.....um.....very "social." I was so very proud that the teacher had taken notice.

I also explained to my son, that being very social myself, I loved walking with my dear friend in the mornings. But, a truly skilled socializer knows that this may appear an appropriate time, but is actually not. My friend is much taller than me and walks very, very fast. This makes me trot at a very brisk pace and run very short of oxygen by the first quarter mile. Lack of breathing and risk of passing out and turning blue, makes it an inappropriate time to talk. However, it is perfectly fine for her to talk. And I do forget my prowess and attempt conversation periodically. Luckily my friend keeps a portable defibrillator in her fanny pack.

My son’s girlfriend walked in during our lesson, and we explained to her what we were explaining to him. Not necessarily agreeing with the three women in his life, he began to argue the soundness of some of our lessons. Once again, I held up my hand and silenced him. Explaining that when outnumbered three to one by very social women, he should have now learned that this was an extremely inappropriate time to talk.