Rare Moments of Clarity

For the last few days I had several moments of excellent clarity. I watched a movie and was able to figure out subtle plot nuances that usually stump me. I helped my son with Algebra II when I haven’t factored a serious binomial in 25 years. I was so proud of my brain power that I wondered when the clarity would end and I would return to my usual state of brain malfunction.

It doesn’t take much pollen filled, sneezing days to have all cylinders not firing and my mouth starts speaking out of sync with my brain. It happens to so often to other moms that at least some of us understand. My dear friend and I have an agreement that we will never get angry for a poorly phrased thought unless we highlight our intent to offend by saying something loud and pointedly vile to each other accompanied by a smack on the side of the head. This will make clear the intent. All other remarks get a pass.

My sons have a really tall friend. My mother also has a really tall friend with a tall son. While shelling out half my income on popcorn and Cokes at the Regal recently, a tall young man and woman were standing next to me. My son even told the guy hello. I leaned over and told them both hello and that they knew my mom. I then told the woman I would tell my mom that I had seen her.

She did look a bit young, but I just thought tall women usually had great cheekbones. When she hissed at me she was his girlfriend and NOT his mother, I was abashed and tried to explain how I thought she looked young and, as mother’s go, looked very youthful.

This made her no happier and my son was slinking away wearing dark glasses and a bag on his head. The more I tried to give a friendly explanation, the more I dug my hole deeper. I realized defeat, stuffed a bunch of popcorn in my mouth, gave a garbled good-bye, and beat a hasty retreat.

My sons berated me all the way through the previews. They didn’t care that such a small city could have two such tall people. How the woman didn’t care I had said she was youthful. And why did they have two such tall friends? Wasn’t one tall friend enough? Had I raised sons that were prejudiced against midgets?

I continued my decline later in Wal Mart while with my daughter and she was telling me about a girl named Suzie that bugged her in Ms Taylor’s class. I know she has a best friend named Suzie and asked her why she drove her crazy.

"It’s a different Suzie, Mom!" she sighed.

Coincidentally we rounded the aisle and nearly ran into the Good Suzie and her mom. So impressed by the coincidence, I told them both that we had just been speaking of her and how there was a Suzie that drove my daughter nuts. The mother pulled her head back with surprise and I realized once more, I had put my foot right in my mouth. I tried to explain, but at that point had already offended past the point of explanations.

I retreated into the Pop-Tarts with my daughter bemoaning I had ruined her life and she would have to go to school and explain. I felt really bad but I couldn’t figure out where the oatmeal was.

I told her things would be fine in the morning and was more concerned why the Express Check Out Clerk was frowning so hard at my overflowing buggy. Maybe she had a bad day. Wow, Brad and Angelina were having twins. My grandmother’s name was Angelina. Maybe we were kinfolk?

I told my grumbling daughter to give me a break, and sent her back to retrieve my forgotten bread and eggs as I avoided getting smacked by the Enter Only doors as I exited. Where on Earth did I park my car?

So as we approach the fresh new days of spring, maybe we need to keep in mind that our words and brains aren’t always in sync, and give friends a pass once in awhile. Unless I rush up to you, steal your Raisinettes and smack you in the temple with my day-old Krispi Kremes.